Somewhere buried underneath the wrapping paper and baking with the gingerbread cookies; somewhere struggling to be heard above the kaching of my credit card buying presents, somewhere is the peace and the sense of Christmas I have been searching for all month. I really wanted to find Christmas this year. The last few days I have struggled with this overpowering feeling that I am just not making it work. Part of my problem is that I don't want to give into reinventing myself and my family into a service, christ-oriented family for a token few weeks. I want the spirit of Christmas to last beyond the new year. I want this drive to reach out to others in thanksgiving and love to last once the Christmas lights come down. I have to admit that Christmas lights are one of my favorite parts of Christmas. The warm glow of a well-lit home sparkling against the snowy night tickles me happy. But how can I keep that sparkle?
This year Tom and I decided to cut back on presents. I also decided to cut back on activities that took me away from time with my kids. In many ways I have enjoyed a more peaceful season because I knew that each thing I participated in somehow involved my family. Today as I listened to the beautiful Christmas program at church I reflected on what peace on earth meant to me. I started to realize that maybe I was looking for something this Christmas that I already have in my life.
I do not believe that we will have peace spread to every corner of the earth in the immediate future. But I have come to realize that peace can be found in the joy of everyday living and in a personal relationship with our savior. There are few moments of physical peace in my life. I do, however, soak myself in those sparse, quiet moments. Yet, over the past several months I have found peace in many ways; a peace that can coexist in the midst of screaming meltdowns, bad days, flat tires, and whining screaming child moments.
Last year I had a serious illness that caused me to reevaluate much of my perspective about parenting. Over the past year, I have learned to become less of a martyr and more of a mother and a partner with my Heavenly Father in raising my children. Although I have awful parent days, I have found my peace in mothering. I want to be good at it. I want to raise my children, I even enjoy my children. My divine role as a mother has brought me peace.
I have also been trying to reach out in service to those around me on a more regular basis. The total joy this has brought into my life has brought me large measures of peace. I still have a long way to go in this department but I look forward to it with a new eagerness.
At times I have found immense peace from reading the Book of Mormon. Whenever that book is open and I am reading, I cannot doubt its veracity.
As I reflect upon the moments of peace I have felt recently, I realize that the spirit of Christmas does not have to be a grand event every year. Sometimes it is just finding peace in a beautiful Christmas song or cooking with your children or opening a homemade gift (I am actually really looking forward to the homemade gifts from my kids this year.) or remembering that Christ did come to the earth, he was here, he was resurrected and he did atone for our sins. Sometimes that knowledge is peace and hope enough.
5 comments:
Oh my, you write beautifully, and you write exactly what I am feeling and needed to hear. You bring tears to my eyes and invite the Spirit into my heart. Thanks for being a good example to me!
I don't feel that I have fully brought the Reason for the Season as well as I had intended, but I have a few days left and you have inspired me to try harder.
We cut back on everthing also this year. I barely made anything for neighbors and told Jason that I wasn't making anything for his coworkers this year. I wanted to enjoy the true meaning of the season.
I don't know how we let ourselves get so lost in the busy part of Christmas. In many ways, it's been nice to 'runaway' during the holidays and have no trees, or lights, or party plans. Instead we're just trying to balance the week between our two HUGE extended families.
Merry Christmas Shelle,
I'm glad you wrote this and that you rediscovered those moments-but you already did have that sparkle.
It is sometimes hard to remember the true meaning of Christmas. Jesus does get lost a lot of the time. I've tried to be more mindful this year through service as well. It's easy to remember when your serving others.
Merry Christmas!
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