I have this wonderful friend who has the ability to make me rethink my perspective just by uttering a phrase. I love this about her. It is always nice to have someone who can nudge your intelligence out of a comfortable slump. Last week she asked me "Are you a free spirit? Because I think you may be a free spirit." I laughed and said "Somedays. I don't know. What is a free spirit?" And so all week long I have been plagued by this question. It followed me to bed at night, it sat next to me in church, it led my fingers to web searches. It was especially bad the first night. I could barely sleep as I asked myself this bevy of questions:
Am I a free spirit? Do I want to be a free spirit? Have I lost some of the qualities of being a free spirit? Do I want those qualities back? Round and round I have gone with this question. Later in the week, I took one of those silly quizzes that define you in one word. Apparently, I am "mysterious."
Could I be more ambiguous?
So, I willl attempt in this writing post to define why I may be a free spirit and possibly mysterious, although I think mysterious may be code for confusing or confused.
Definitions of free spirit:
free spirit definition - Dictionary - MSN Encartafree spir·it (plural free spir·its) noun : Definition: somebody not afraid to flout convention: somebody who lives without regard to what convention dictates or what others expect
free spirit - definition of free spirit by the Free Online Dictionary ... free spirit. n. One who is not restrained, as by convention or obligation; a nonconformist.
It's true I am not afraid to flout convention, especially when it is traditional womanly convention. I am not really embarrassed by the fact that I cannot sew or make bread or that I have had to work really really hard to be a decent housekeeper. I have other talents and I honor and admire those who posess the aforementioned gifts. I just don't feel the motivation to be good at these things just because my neighbor is an expert. I do, however, wish I was good at making bread because I really like the taste of homemade bread and I do like being self-sufficient. So I am making an effort to be a bread baker. But I will not start to iron my husband's shirts everyday or even every week. He is better at ironing than me and I really don't think this is some special woman's duty, especially if it reduces her to tears of frustration. Does that make me a free spirit? Maybe. Do I feel like people should follow their dreams no matter how different they may be from mine? Do I rebel against cookie cutter solutions to life's problems? Absolutely. I revel in the unconventional, sometimes.
As I get older I find that some conventions are necessary. Do I feel slightly fettered by the fact that I have to clean every day or always drive the speed limit. Yes, but so does everyone.
It is true I am a nonconformist. As soon as something gets too trendy, I start to shy away from it, Even if I loved it. I start looking for ways to make it original. For example I got one of those bumble watches, which I love, and I already want to have a new band made for it that doesn't look anything like a bumble watch. I am like this with everything. I don't want the same house or wall color or decor as everyone else. I start to feel uninspired if my surroundings mimic every body else I know.
I love the uniqueness of people. I am grateful for my friends' and family's different interests and personalities. For instance, I love that my Eastern friend hates the Western landscape because she loves the green of the East. It is a different perspective than mine and different perspectives keep my outlook on life fresh.
On the other hand I cannot live without regard to obligation. Nor do I want to. I am a mother and I expect order and obedience and all that good motherly stuff. I do not sleep in every morning because I have children with needs and I am their mother. I am also a wife and that is a partnership and obligation I take very seriously. Granted, I think my husband understands that I need my creative space, but I live my life very much in sync with his needs, his timetable and our relationship. I also try not to disregard friendship obligations. In the spiritual realm, I have always lived by the standards I learned from my parents. Not once have I felt constrained by these standards. I have rarely wavered from the strong belief I have in my religion and especially my savior Jesus Christ.
In general, I try not to twirl through life starry eyed and ignorant of the people around me. Although sometimes I do this unwittingly (that may be the free spirit in me trying to get loose). Thank heavens, my husband can always call me out on this errant twirling. So am I a free-spirit? I think my answer is still the same. Somedays. And really, what is a free spirit? Don't we all have a little free spiritedness that drives us to create, discover and occasionally disregard what convention expects of us?
The next word that was assigned to me this week is mysterious. I would like to think that perhaps I am a woman of mystery. I do think I do unexpected things to surprise those who know me best. I like to keep people on their toes. The Real Truth: I wear my heart on my sleeve. It is impossibly hard for me to keep my emotions hidden. If I am tired - you can tell. If I am angry - I vent or yell or let it all hang out. If I am excited -- I tell every person I know why I am excited. If I am worried -- you can see it etched all over my face. I am really not all that mysterious. I do change my mind, a lot! Like I said, I think I am just confusing.
If I were to pick words that described me I would pick words like passionate, curious, and yes, maybe even free-spirited. What words describe you?
