I have this wonderful friend who has the ability to make me rethink my perspective just by uttering a phrase. I love this about her. It is always nice to have someone who can nudge your intelligence out of a comfortable slump. Last week she asked me "Are you a free spirit? Because I think you may be a free spirit." I laughed and said "Somedays. I don't know. What is a free spirit?" And so all week long I have been plagued by this question. It followed me to bed at night, it sat next to me in church, it led my fingers to web searches. It was especially bad the first night. I could barely sleep as I asked myself this bevy of questions:
Am I a free spirit? Do I want to be a free spirit? Have I lost some of the qualities of being a free spirit? Do I want those qualities back? Round and round I have gone with this question. Later in the week, I took one of those silly quizzes that define you in one word. Apparently, I am "mysterious."
Could I be more ambiguous?
So, I willl attempt in this writing post to define why I may be a free spirit and possibly mysterious, although I think mysterious may be code for confusing or confused.
Definitions of free spirit:
free spirit definition - Dictionary - MSN Encarta
free spir·it (plural free spir·its) noun : Definition: somebody not afraid to flout convention: somebody who lives without regard to what convention dictates or what others expect
free spirit - definition of free spirit by the Free Online Dictionary ...
free spirit. n. One who is not restrained, as by convention or obligation; a nonconformist.
It's true I am not afraid to flout convention, especially when it is traditional womanly convention. I am not really embarrassed by the fact that I cannot sew or make bread or that I have had to work really really hard to be a decent housekeeper. I have other talents and I honor and admire those who posess the aforementioned gifts. I just don't feel the motivation to be good at these things just because my neighbor is an expert. I do, however, wish I was good at making bread because I really like the taste of homemade bread and I do like being self-sufficient. So I am making an effort to be a bread baker. But I will not start to iron my husband's shirts everyday or even every week. He is better at ironing than me and I really don't think this is some special woman's duty, especially if it reduces her to tears of frustration. Does that make me a free spirit? Maybe. Do I feel like people should follow their dreams no matter how different they may be from mine? Do I rebel against cookie cutter solutions to life's problems? Absolutely. I revel in the unconventional, sometimes.
As I get older I find that some conventions are necessary. Do I feel slightly fettered by the fact that I have to clean every day or always drive the speed limit. Yes, but so does everyone.
It is true I am a nonconformist. As soon as something gets too trendy, I start to shy away from it, Even if I loved it. I start looking for ways to make it original. For example I got one of those bumble watches, which I love, and I already want to have a new band made for it that doesn't look anything like a bumble watch. I am like this with everything. I don't want the same house or wall color or decor as everyone else. I start to feel uninspired if my surroundings mimic every body else I know.
I love the uniqueness of people. I am grateful for my friends' and family's different interests and personalities. For instance, I love that my Eastern friend hates the Western landscape because she loves the green of the East. It is a different perspective than mine and different perspectives keep my outlook on life fresh.
On the other hand I cannot live without regard to obligation. Nor do I want to. I am a mother and I expect order and obedience and all that good motherly stuff. I do not sleep in every morning because I have children with needs and I am their mother. I am also a wife and that is a partnership and obligation I take very seriously. Granted, I think my husband understands that I need my creative space, but I live my life very much in sync with his needs, his timetable and our relationship. I also try not to disregard friendship obligations. In the spiritual realm, I have always lived by the standards I learned from my parents. Not once have I felt constrained by these standards. I have rarely wavered from the strong belief I have in my religion and especially my savior Jesus Christ.
In general, I try not to twirl through life starry eyed and ignorant of the people around me. Although sometimes I do this unwittingly (that may be the free spirit in me trying to get loose). Thank heavens, my husband can always call me out on this errant twirling. So am I a free-spirit? I think my answer is still the same. Somedays. And really, what is a free spirit? Don't we all have a little free spiritedness that drives us to create, discover and occasionally disregard what convention expects of us?
The next word that was assigned to me this week is mysterious. I would like to think that perhaps I am a woman of mystery. I do think I do unexpected things to surprise those who know me best. I like to keep people on their toes. The Real Truth: I wear my heart on my sleeve. It is impossibly hard for me to keep my emotions hidden. If I am tired - you can tell. If I am angry - I vent or yell or let it all hang out. If I am excited -- I tell every person I know why I am excited. If I am worried -- you can see it etched all over my face. I am really not all that mysterious. I do change my mind, a lot! Like I said, I think I am just confusing.
If I were to pick words that described me I would pick words like passionate, curious, and yes, maybe even free-spirited. What words describe you?
8 comments:
First of all, you are NOT confusing and certainly not confused. Of course, your husband can tell you whether you are or not better than anyone.
Second, you are a free-spirit, in every good sense of the phrase.
Third, as far as religion, we are a peculiar people, and becoming more and more "non-conventional" so that makes sense why you are so comfortable with it!
As for me, the only word I can think of that sums me up is complicated. :-D
I guess I have never thought of myself as a free-spirit, but your research has led me to believe I fit that description pretty well. I have always been somewhat of a non-confomist, a whole lot more in my adulthood. Life is so much funner that way! If someone tells me something is popular or the trend, I don't usually want it. Of yeah, I don't own a Bumbles watch, haven't read Twilight, and I don't have a single brown/tan wall in my home, so I'm with you.
I don't iron Jason's shirt. He is so darn picky and I used to iron while he was in college for extra money. I take them all in and get done. It is the best 50$ a month I could ever spend!!
I would like to learn to make bread better.
Great post, Rachelle (your Eastern green-loving friend here :)! I would agree with your friend in categorizing you as a free spirit but once you break it down it's a complicated issue, isn't it?
I'm not sure what work would best describe me. I hope something nice like "friendly" or "funny" and not something too-often-true like "overly sensitive."
I've never heard of of Bumbles watch. I need to get Googling!
Love the post! That all definitely fits you to a T. But hey I think those are both great words to assign to yourself
This is a wonderful post, Rachelle. The thing I love about it is that you know who you are-and I believe that makes you a "free spirit". Perhaps not in the traditional sense of the term but in the idea that there are people who struggle their whole life trying to figure that out. Their spirit is fettered by the ignorance of the beauty and wonder in their own uniqueness. I guess I'm one of those people to some extent. It gets better as I get older but there are still some days I don't feel "free spirited". Anyway I think this was a beautifully written piece.
hey when you changed your background did you lose any of your sidebar stuff? I'm thinking of switching to cutest blog on the block background but I don't want to lose stuff.
I would agree and say you are a free thinker. We are all so different and that is what makes our world so interesting.
I would have no idea how to describe myself. probably high strung and crazy!
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